Someday

“Work-life balance is ‘the best lie ever told’–no matter your decade.”

-Seconde Nimenya

Having been a career coach since the 1980’s, I have seen generations of clients enter the workforce, grow, thrive, struggle and survive–often despite tough odds.

My fellow Boomers had a pretty good start, as long as they were white, mostly Christian, male, mostly straight. The Justice League we had formed in the 1960’s petered out as people who had turned on and tuned in, dropped (sold) out as the surreal 70’s (Watergate, Gay Rights, Roe v. Wade, Feminism) turned into the “greed is good” 1980’s.

Then came a decade of extremes and contradictions. In the 90’s, we built McMansions and drove expensive automobiles (not just “cars”), then worked longer hours to pay for them. We spent more than we made, borrowed more than we could pay back, and went more and more deeply into debt. After the Y2K scare failed to materialize, we bounced into the Noughts hoping for greater prosperity and a better work-life balance. So sorry–the main legacy of that decade was the final death blow to “jobs for life.”

Never mind–we had Google and YouTube, MySpace and Facebook, smartphones and finally Barack Obama, the coolest President ever who told us/sold us “Yes, we can!” But by the Terrible Teens, it became clear that late-stage capitalism wasn’t going to save us after all. That promised trickle down turned out to be no more that the 1% pissing on the rest of us, then blaming our lack of progress on avocado toast.

Which brings us to the mid-2020’s. Work-Life balance? Ha! Most of us don’t even have Work-Work balance; so many meetings eating up the day that “real” work has to happen long before 9:00 and long after 5:00. All of us–from Boomers to GenXers and Millennials to Gen Z are fried, fed up, frightened and feel like we’ve failed. We’ve been sold a bill of goods and we paid for it on credit.

These must seem pretty cynical words coming from a career coach whose job it is to enlighten, encourage and inspire her clients. But reality sucks, and you need to know that. So, given the state of life and work nowadays, what can any of us do about it? Here is some advice I give my clients:

1. Work to live, don’t live to work. I love my job. It’s something that’s such an expression of who am that I would do it for free. But loving your job shouldn’t mean losing your soul (or your sense). At the end of the day, corporations are inherently in-humane, in that they exist for the sole purpose of making as much profit as they can for their shareholders. They don’t care about you and your needs; you will be kept on only as long as you are useful to them. It’s employment, not marriage.
2. Work doesn’t work like school. In academic settings, if you’re smart, work hard and do the assignments, you are guaranteed the reward of a good grade. In work, the most intelligent person isn’t necessarily the most successful, the hard worker is often taken advantage of, not lauded, and if you meet your work quota, they’ll just keep raising the bar and give you more, and more, and more.
3. Like virtue, good work is its own reward, and often its only reward. Do good work so you learn and grow and create a longer career runway for yourself. At work, there’s no such thing as “enough” and “Meets Expectations” can be followed by termination if it serves the needs of the organization. If you’re going to be in that game, be smart about it. Learn the rules and how/when to bend, even break them.
4. You do not work for the company. You work AT the company for yourself and your family. Misplaced loyalty will get you nothing at work and may end up blowing up your personal life and relationships. Maintain perspective; don’t get suckered into all that unpaid overtime, because over time, work will be all you have. This is the case even when you’re part of a startup, so get all agreements in writing!
5. All is not lost. If you understand who you are and what gifts you bring, you can do good work and get compensated for it. If the fit is good, you will meet fellow travellers who become colleagues, friends, potential business partners even future spouses. (Where else are you going to meet people?) Decent bosses and mentors are out there; seek out their advice.

A book from the 1980’s had the highly optimistic title Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow. If only it were that simple! Do what you love because you love it. If you have to work at something less than ideal to “support your habit,” that’s a decent trade off. Work without some intrinsic or extrinsic satisfaction is drudgery, but satisfying work that doesn’t meet your basic needs is well, a hobby. Find the equilibrium that gives you what you need and a bunch of what you want. That’s the only kind of “Work-Life Balance” that counts.

I wrote this poem for a client who held a demanding full-time job while getting an MBA and raising small humans. She made it through to other side and is now a successful executive and a far more understanding boss than many. This may speak to you as well.

Then Can We Have Cake?

How many cases do I have to read to be prepared for class? How many cases do I have to slip onto the pillows of how many beds?

How many soul-sucking meetings do I need to attend? How many soul-saving meetings can I arrange, or stumble into?

How long will my children take to grow up(right)? How long will they wait for me to catch up?

This is not a math problem; there is no equation for balance, a slippery eel that cuts through time like quicksilver, like a sun ray in a Jesus sky.

Who I was would know the answer, but I have left myself behind, like a sweatshirt dropped on the gym floor and forgotten until after graduation.

The me I am becoming is not here yet. That self has been held out like a prize; a gift marked “Do Not Open Until.” I am not sure I will recognize until when it arrives, or when I arrive at it.

I am riding a wave, I am the wave, I am waving at my life as it goes by, or I do. If this is not treading water, what is it? The horizon shifts like the targets at a carnival booth, and I take aim too soon or too late.

Trust the process. Words of little comfort when what I have left behind is a blurred photograph and what lies ahead is only a preview–bright and compelling but not to be counted on.

I bob along, mindless as a cork tugged from a bottle and tossed into the sea. All I can do for now is float and remember that there will be landfall, somewhere, someday.

Day Merrill

Day Merrill, M.A., is the founding Partner and Career/Executive Coach for 2BDetermined. She is a 30-year career services professional with expertise coaching individuals and teams on a range of career and work-related topics as well as consulting to organizations in Canada and the U.S. on their workforce development needs. Day holds a B.A. from Connecticut College, a Master of Arts from Wesleyan University and has completed Coach U’s coach certification training.

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